Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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