Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
