im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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