sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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