is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
