You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
