and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
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