I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
