I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
bring money and cleavage
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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