I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
