i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I need to sanitize my soul.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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