you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
