Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
