So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize