So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
