i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
