Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
