I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
