Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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