Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
