Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize