Your mouth is God's brothel.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
