You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Randomize
