Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize