i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
