he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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