my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
