I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
