JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
