puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
