Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize