Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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