Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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