I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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