dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
