FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
