Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
