Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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