the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
