You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize