um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
bring money and cleavage
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
