Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
