you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
