The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
