i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
