I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
This is my gift to your gina
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
