Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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