she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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