and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
