you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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