Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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