Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
