trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
