When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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