i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
