A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
