so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
