I have demons in me.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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