the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I could make wine with my vomit
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
