Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize