dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
