They should really pass out barf bags in church
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
