i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
