when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
