i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
