woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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