Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
