'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
