those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
