I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
