I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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