I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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