Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
