I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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